See,life has never been good.
when you just thought you strike lottery and being the happiest person on earth,
you actually gonna face the saddest thing soon.
whats started unbelievably goood,thats just gonna make me think is there such thing too good to be true.
cuz the fact is,it never exists.
It somehow doesn't reveals when I don't wana believe there is too good to be true,
but it does,when I finally believe in it and fallen so hard.
and thats the part which hurts me enough to kill.
I chose to believe,and give it the last try but not bringing in what I've been through.
yes,thats my word,and I did it,with full determination and without fail.
Not beacause it's easy,just because I believe in myself that I could be happier,
and whats done,is done.It should not interfere whats going on in the present.
which also explain,why it took me some time to get over things.
cuz sometimes,we just thought we're over it,but somehow theres a tiny part of it still stucks in you.
Over the years,I have to admit I changed,for the better.
but not forgetting being who I really am.
Change,doesn't bring the whole meaning of straying off who you really are.
It's the ability to bring up the better side of me,and leaving my mistakes behind.
If I just thought of remaining who I really am from the start,that's just gona be disaster.
Its not that bad lah ! I'm just not as wise.
Good thing I'm thankful for all that I been through is I am able to see things in different perspective but not stucking in my own thoughts.
Being with a person,it's a whole new life.
Be the whole new person or being the person like you have never fell in love before.
Like you have never hurt before or trust before.
Take away those insecurities like you'd never felt before.
Trust,like you always do.
Because it's a whole new person you are being with,A different person.
A different person you are dealing with and he/she never wanted to suffer from your fear.
Because you're in love,and you chose to believe again.
but your fear,is holding you back.
and if you're not living happy in love,
please,
spend a little time think it over again,out of the box.
if it doesn't work,do more of the thinking.
If love means waiting for the person who's gonna accept who you are and remain what's negative in you but not making a change,
If love brings suffer,pain and hurt,
if love means taking the imperfections thats highly endanger the relationships and one not being happy with it,
if love means after fighting and understands a person more,
that means no love.
If thats it,why do tolerance even exists in the dictionary.
I personally think fights just gonna make things worst and it's not gonna do any better.
.
I changed,to not be sarcastic anymore.
I changed,to not live in my fear from the past.
I changed,to trust the person I chose to believe in.
I changed,to not be paranoid.
I changed,to not take other people as matter cuz I believe,you love me and you'll be determine whats right and wrong to do.
I changed,to not be jealous. *but thats exceptional when something over the universe happens*
I changed,to love even more since it was the last try.
I changed,to have faith in love again.
I changed,to pick up the pieces and move on with courage.
I changed,to give the last chance to a person I think is gonna make me happy again,cuz I deserve to be treated better.
.
AM I NOT TRYING?!
.
JUST BECAUSE IM IN LOVE AND I WANT TO WORK THINGS OUT.
rather than waiting for u to accepting who I am and get fed up one of these days.
.
If you people think it's easy for me,go bang the wall.
Experiencing one thing in a long period can never compare with experiencing different thing in some time.
cuz what you get,its from the same person,same issues,and your thoughts will just stuck there.
One pain,one heartbreaks,one mentally breakdown,one time.
Think about it.
I have more than just what you got.
Different pain,more heartbreaks,more mentally breakdown,3 times.
and I stand up by myself,building the confident and learn to think in the brightside.
all by myself,and thats why I will never get into any relationships till i'm completely over with those issues,not the person.
I felt more than you ever felt before,I think,more than you ever think before.
From the smallest tiny thing you'll never think I'll thought about it to the biggest thing.
and the worst thing is,I couldn't stand people who do things they didn't meant to when they get mad.
and I couldn't stand people thinking in one direction,one corner,one small box,oneself.
Immaturities.
but who the hell I am to judge people when I might be immature too.
.
I changed,into a person which gets mood swings easily.
I changed,into a person who gets angry easily.
I changed,into someone who looses her patient easily.
I changed,into a cranky person.
I changed,into a very emotional person.
I changed,into a person who argue and couldn't work things out in a proper way anymore.
I changed,into a person who raise her voice.
I CHANGED,INTO SOMEONE I BARELY EVEN KNOW MYSELF.
so what is it about accepting who the person really are?
I CHANGED! I CHANGED I CHANGED I CHANGED.
so what now? in my face?because I'm so dumb to get myself in love again.
In my face,cuz I fall for everything that SEEMS TO BE perfect for me.
if you think you are accepting me from who I really am,I wouldn't even change.
Screw everything,2010 doesn't starts with a good one for me.
I just wana be happy with everything I had.
why is it taking my life to have that?
My life is god damn interesting.
Ain't it?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment